It’s Valentine’s Day again, friends. I have such mixed emotions on this day – feeling like love should be celebrated on one hand, knowing that the love in my life is deserving of celebration every day on the other. In thinking about this day, I started going back in the emotional archives to try to really “feel out” those times when I felt most loved. There are too many to count, and that is a constant. Props to Justin here. But when I truly zero in on a turning point in my own life where love shined bold and bright, I am reminded of the fact that true love is truly selfless.
Justin had graduated two years ahead of me at Notre Dame, and had moved to Denver upon his graduation, where he had taken a job with a technology company. Upon his graduation, we were set on continuing our relationship, despite the long distance. It was a difficult time in our relationship, managing communication when one of us was still “living it up” in college, and the other, adjusting to life in the “real world” – all while battling the time change and opposite schedules. Justin came back to campus often to visit, and our relationship continued to flourish and grow despite these challenges. I felt like we never missed a beat during those last two years of college.
Two years later, it was time for my own graduation. I had spent at least 6 months diligently pursuing a job search in industries that were difficult to navigate, especially since the majority of companies recruiting on campus at Notre Dame were more engineering and business focused, and I had other plans. Justin was steadfast and incredibly supportive throughout this process, always encouraging me and cheerleading my every move. I knew that, deep down, he wanted nothing more than for me to move to Denver, where he was continuing his career. I pursued some opportunities that would allow me to be close to him again and to enjoy living in the same city after two years apart.
Then in the early Spring of my Senior Year, I received an offer for my dream job – an offer to participate in an Executive Training Program for a fashion company in New York City. I was over the moon excited about the opportunity, but saying “Yes!” was complicated. Not only was this not in the same city, but this move was going to almost double the physical distance between the two of us and continue our long-distance relationship.
I called Justin knowing that, of anyone, he would help me with this decision. He was always my go-to when it came to decision-making, and this case was no different. As I shared my news with him, Justin was overjoyed, though I know that his heart was breaking at the same time. He was adamant that I take the job, telling me that he had been given the opportunity upon graduating to take any job he wanted, anywhere in the country. “Al, you deserve that same opportunity, to take any job you want, anywhere. This is your dream job. You have to take it.”
It was in this moment that I knew and saw firsthand the depth of Justin’s love for me. In a moment where he could have easily have been selfish and consumed with how my decision would affect his own life, he chose to be selfless. He made a choice in that moment to react with love and support, as disappointed as I know he was that our togetherness would be prolonged.
I took that job in New York. It was scary, exhilarating, and an experience that I will never regret, inciting an incredible career in the fashion and merchandising industry. During the year that I lived in New York, Justin came to visit 27 times, and we were able to enjoy the city together. (Yes, that’s right. 27 times in less than 12 months. Justin was blessed to have family in the area who offered him a room rent-free, and as he put it, he “paid rent to United Airlines”.)
We worked so hard on prioritizing our relationship during that time. We longed for the normalcy of spending time together midweek, feeling then as if the distance would persist forever. In the moment, the challenges of the present can feel like they’ll last an eternity. Now looking back on that time apart, our four years of long-distance were merely a “blip” in our time together.
This Valentine’s Day, I celebrate my husband, and his decision to be selfless. I am so grateful for his love and support during that time of my life, and know that because of his love for me, I will never have to look back and regret what could have been.
